Run, Julie, Run - Or Not....

As we know all too well, life with cancer is about dreams and plans deferred - or ended. Instead of taking a  long-planned vacation, we have disfiguring surgeries. Instead of going to college, we go to radiation. Instead of having a family, we have chemotherapy.

And most of the time we are pretty grateful to still be alive to do other things.

After 10 years of making lemonade with my lemons, I was ready for a challenge and a celebration. I know that running a 50 mile race is a peculiar way to celebrate 10 years. And I know that it's just a race. But it was my race, my celebration, and somehow, I felt I was due for everything to go right.

The viruses circulating around New York had other plans. I'm still sick. Whatever this is - a particularly nasty flu, or possibly whooping cough - I quite wrecked. My cough is slightly better; I no longer cough until I throw up. But I'm still exhausted. I was unable to work at all last week. I've been sleeping constantly. Ugh, I hate this!

So, running 50 miles next Saturday is out. I kept hoping that if I took good care of myself, this would all blow over quickly and I could still race. I'm weighing my options. I might be able to drop down and run a shorter race. Maybe I start and just see how far I can go. Or maybe I skip it and find another race later in the year.

These are all reasonable choices. I'll just wait to see how I feel in a few more days before I make up my mind.

But I really don't want to be reasonable. I want to run this race. I had a plan, a goal. I was working very hard for that goal. And for once, I just wanted things to go as planned.

Oh well. "You can't always get what you want..."

Julie

Run, Julie, Run - Oh No! - 100.5 and Rising!

Damn! Yup, I'm sick. I'm sick, and I'm so angry! Except for my occasional freakouts, training has been going well. And now I'm sick.

I was fine, and then I wasn't. Last Friday I woke up with a cough. I spent a couple days just resting - didn't go on my scheduled 35-mile long run on Saturday. (OK, truth: I was going to try the run anyway. Emailed my coach. He said rest. I debated running anyway...thought better of it. My coach is a smart guy - listen to him, Julie. I'm very good about telling others to rest when they need to - not so much for myself.) I wasn't running a fever, but the cough was pretty nasty. Sunday I did an easy 2 miles. But now I'm going down hill fast - and not in a fun, running sort of way.  Fever, cough getting worse (can it really get worse?); this is no fun. I'm headed to the doc tomorrow.

I haven't written off the race yet. I have visions of a super-speedy recovery, legs will be well-rested and I'll be better than ever. Or I'll run as far as I can.

So annoying! I've been taking good care of myself. I'm training hard, putting my body through a lot, so I'm good to it. I've been eating well and getting plenty of sleep (or trying to). But we all know that unexpected things happen....

So I'll go to the doc and see what happens.

And in the mean time, I'm getting acquainted with my obsessive side. I've noticed this at other times in my training, but it's really coming out now - apparently, I have a little bit of Type A in me.

This comes as a surprise to me; I think I'm quite easy-going. But it seems that I'm the only one who didn't know that I can be a bit of a control freak. When I mention this to friends, they laugh - out loud.

When ultra runners talk about how in distance running you really get to know what you're made of, I didn't think this was what they meant.

I've toughed it out on long runs that were a mess. I could have gone home and done the run a couple days later, but I had planned it for that day! - Who is that? That's not me, or at least not who I think I am. And all I can think about right now is how I should be running. - I have a plan, and that plan includes running - 3 weeks until race day - don't mess with the plan.

Getting in touch with my inner Type A....and drinking lots of fluids and resting.

Julie

Run, Julie, Run - Is It Enough?

Progress. I am making progress!

But is it enough?

That's the question plaguing me these days. I am truly amazed at my progress. When I think back to what I could do last Fall when I started thinking about this race (North Face 50-Mile Endurance Challenge), I marvel at what I can do now.

There's a trail near my house with a long, steady hill. It's not so steep, but it is sustained. It's .4 miles with a 7% grade hill. A few months ago, I struggled to run the hill once, and usually had to walk some of it. When I did run, I was so slow that I might as well have been walking. Now I use that hill for hill repeats to build strength. It's tough, but I'll do 5 or 6 repeats.

And my long run last Sunday was just over 30 miles, all trails - some of them seriously steep. This week, I plan on a 35 mile long run. OK, it did take me 8 hours to run 30 miles - I am definitely not speedy - but I did it. I'm still new enough to long distance running that this blows me away - that I am capable of going out and running 30 miles, at any speed. Crazy, right?

Oh, and one fun thing from Sunday's run is that, for the first time, I had a running partner. It's hard to find someone else to run with when you're running more than a marathon a week. And even harder to find someone who runs at a similar pace. I've become a long distance trail runner; we're a fairly small subset of all runners. I'm used to running alone. It was fun, though, to have a partner for the day.

Training runs of 30+ miles are not easy. They take a lot out of me, but they are doable. I'm tired and sore by the end, but my body is not trashed. I'm recovering quite well after. I can imagine sucking it up and running further.

So why am I worried if it's enough? Well, partly because that's just my nature - and fear. And partly it's about speed. I'm feeling pretty confident that I have the endurance, both body and mind. But this race has cutoff times. I'm not sure if I can cover enough ground fast enough to make it.

There are two hard cutoff times during the race: at around 20 miles and 34 miles. If I don't reach those points in time, I'm out of the race. And then the last cutoff is the finish. Even if I make it to mile 34 in time, if I don't cross the finish in 14 hours, I don't officially finish.

I knew this when I signed up, and I didn't care. In some ways I still don't. Even if I just run 20 miles, it will be fun. Preparing for this race has been a great experience. To me, this is about the whole experience, every step, not just my time on race day. Race day is only one small part of it.

But.... Now that I'm this far into it, I really do want to do well. This is one of the harder ultra races out there; it's very difficult and technical. A lot of really good runners don't finish. There is nothing wrong with a DNF (did not finish). I think it's a huge accomplishment to have gotten to the point that I can even think about this. But I really, really want to finish!

Well, nothing to do but keep up my training for these last few weeks. Keep training. Keep doing the next thing right in front of me. Race day is a month away. Can't control a month from now - only today.

Julie

We Are What Other People Think We Are?!?

A new study, recently published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology, found that the most important factor in how a woman appreciates her body is other people's opinion of how she looks. However, they also found that the more women focused on how their bodies function rather than others' opinions, the more they appreciated their bodies. Researchers from Ohio State University were interested in the subject because it appears that how women appreciate their bodies influences how they eat and take care of themselves - like eating when they're hungry rather than because of their emotional state, for instance. The researchers say it's about respect: the more women like their bodies, the more likely they are to treat them well by eating properly, getting appropriate health screenings, and exercising. I've featured the study in the Life-Cise News page.

I found this quite an interesting study for women in general, as well as for us as cancer survivors. The study highlights what a big role the media and the opinions of those close to us have. When women were less concerned with what others thought, they were more likely to focus on how well their bodies were functioning. And that, in turn, led to better eating habits.

It's of particular interest to us as cancer survivors, I think, because body image can be such a big deal after cancer - for men and women. Depending on the type of cancer, we can end up alive but with a markedly changed body, either in form or function. Besides dealing with Cancer, we have bodies that may look and act very differently than we're used to. Getting used to it can be a difficult transition.

What I liked about the study, and what I think has relevance to us, is the idea that we can improve how we feel about our bodies by focusing on function.

I have spoken and written on the subject of body image after cancer. It can be quite shocking to suddenly have a body that looks dramatically different - even if it's dramatic to no one but ourselves. What I found was that, as I regained my strength and was able to return to activities that were important to me, I felt better about my new body. My experience was right in line with this study: it was function that led the way.

Julie

Check Your Sources

Gillian reminded me of the importance of checking your sources when doing your own health research. I really appreciate the reminder; it's something I usually try to mention. As you are researching your disease, it is super important to make sure your information is reliable.

With the internet, access to information is available to everyone. Open access also means that just about anyone can put just about anything out there. Just because you read it, doesn't mean it's accurate. Pay attention to the sources of what you read.

I like to start with some of the big boys: the National Institutes of Health (www.NIH.org), the American Heart Association (www.AmericanHeart.org),  or the American Cancer Society (www.cancer.org). The National Institutes of Health has several subdivisions dedicated to specific diseases, such as the National Cancer Institute (www.Cancer.gov). Many medical centers have good online resources also. The Mayo Clinic, MD Anderson are two that have excellent online resources. You can also check out some of the major medical journals, such as the New England Journal of Medicine or the British Medical Journal. MedlinePlus is one of the best sources. It's a website set up by the National Institutes of Health and produced by the National Library of Medicine. Because a lot of the medical information from some of those other sources can be quite technical and difficult to understand, MedlinePlus was designed for patients and their families. It provides information on specific diseases and conditions, drugs, treatments, and wellness issues, written in plain language for those of us without medical degrees.

Don't ignore complementary or alternative treatments. I am a great believer in doing everything we can to help our bodies, and that mainstream Western medicine might not have every answer. However, once again, get your information from reliable sources. Don't rely on hearsay evidence; demand that research on complementary treatments is as rigorous as mainstream treatments. The NIH actually has a branch devoted to complementary and alternative (CAM) medicine. The National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine (www://nccam.nih.gov/) provides a wealth of information on herbal remedies, mind/body practices, manipulative treatments, and energy work.

It's so important to find relatively unbiased, well-researched information. Always evaluate the information you're reading to determine if it's objective or just one person's opinion. Is it based on well-designed studies or just anecdotal evidence. Anecdotes can be fine and comforting, but you have to decide if you want to base your health and well-being on an anecdote. Is the information coming from an unbiased source? How much of a financial incentive does the author/researcher have?

You don't want to base your treatment on what some guy down the street heard in a bar, right? Be at least that discerning on the internet, too.

Julie

Oh, and since I know I have readers from many countries, I'd love to hear about some of your best local resources, too.

Love & Healthy Thoughts

I was woken early this morning by the news that my dad had a heart attack. He's OK, thanks to quick and insistent action on my mom's part. He's resting fairly comfortably in the hospital for a few days. There doesn't seem to be a lot of serious damage, so he's expected to recover fully.

This was quite a shock - my dad is one of the last people I'd ever think about having a heart attack. He's active, eats well, weight is healthy, and exercises regularly. Well, as many of us know already, there are always exceptions to the rules.

In the coming days I'll be reading a lot about this, and about cardiac rehab. Of course, he'll have good therapists working with him, but I want to do my own research so I'm informed of what's expected. This is the same thing that I did with myself with my cancer, and before that with my spinal injury. It's what we all must do: educate ourselves about our disease/condition/injury. We must be our own best advocate! We are the only ones who are responsible 100% of the time; it's our life! Our doctors may be great, but they are only on our case for a limited amount of hours. We have people who love us, but they also have their own concerns some of the time. So it's up to us. We can't know everything, but we need to understand enough to ask the right questions.

So, I'll be reading up on cardiac rehab, and maybe contacting some colleagues who know more about this than I do. It's what I can do.

My dad is one of my biggest fans, and a frequent reader of this blog. Lots of love to you, Dad. And to you, too, Mom. Although Dad's the one in the hospital, Mom is the one who drove him there. It's never easy to be the one in the waiting room. Poor thing, I'm afraid we've really put her through her paces over the years: me being run down by a taxi/spinal injury, followed by cancer; my sister with dystonia; my brother getting shot when he was an Army Ranger; and now Dad. Love you both! Rest well tonight.

And if you have a minute in your busy lives, send out some healthy thoughts for my dad - I'd so appreciate it. Thanks!

Julie

Bundled up for a chilly Michigan sunset

(Oh, and so good to have you back, Chez! And Good luck tomorrow, Tonya!!! Have a blast!)

Return Of Rest Day Kitty

I recently wrote a post about the importance of rest days. Our bodies get strong by stressing them, but then they need rest in order to adjust and recover from that stress. By stressing our muscles, we make them respond by getting stronger. But continuing to overstress them causes fatigue and injury.

Yesterday was my long run as I prepare for the North Face 50-mile Bear Mountain race. I ran 36 miles - woof! I ran it stupidly slow - but I did run it. I just didn't have much power yesterday; couldn't make myself go. The weather was nasty - cold, rain, sleet, snow. March was not going out in a very lamb-like manner! But I ran.

So today is rest, but not total rest. I want to focus on "active" recovery. After a hard workout, our bodies need rest to recover. But if we do nothing, our muscles tighten up even more, making recovery that much harder. Easy movement allows our muscles to recover, but keeps them from getting stiff.

It can be so tempting to laze around the house. I was quite content to sit around in my fuzzy pajamas with the reindeer on them (thanks, mom) all day. It was cold and rainy, and I had quite enough of that yesterday! I so wanted to stay curled up in my PJs. But I knew that I would regret it tomorrow when my legs stiffened up. So I put on some clothes and went out into the rain for a little walk/easy run. It was not enough to tire me out, but enough to get the muscles warmed up and moving. Then I came back and did some stretching.

If you've had a tough workout, give yourself a break. Take a day to recover, but make it active recovery. Do some light exercise in a different way. If you've done a big strength training workout, go for an easy swim or walk tomorrow. If you've had a hard run, do some yoga. Do something.

And this doesn't only apply if you're training for a marathon (or 2). Any time you do a tough workout for you, take it easy the next day, but still get in some activity.

When I was going through treatment, I applied the same principle after chemo. OK, so chemo isn't really like a hard workout, but it is tough on your body. Rest is crucial, of course. But I figured if active recovery was good after a hard workout, it couldn't hurt after chemo. The next day after each treatment, no matter how awful I felt, I would get a tiny bit of exercise. Not a lot, just enough to get my body moving. I would try to go for a walk, get outside - even if it was just a walk to the mailbox. 

No, exercise and chemo are not at all the same, but the benefits from active recovery are pretty similar. It may seem like the very last thing you want to do, but if you get out of your fuzzy pajamas and move, your body will appreciate it.

Julie